AI might not have taken your job yet—but it’s already writing your breakup text.

What began as a productivity tool has quietly become a social one, and people increasingly consult it for their most personal moments: drafting apologies, translating passive-aggressive texts, and, yes, deciding how to end relationships.

“I wholeheartedly believe that AI is shifting the relational bedrock of society,” says Rachel Wood, a cyberpsychology expert and founder of the AI Mental Health Collective. “People really are using it to run their social life: Instead of the conversations we used to have—with neighbors or at clubs or in our hobbies or our faith communities—those conversations are being rerouted into chatbots.”

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As an entire generation grows up outsourcing social decisions to large language models (LLMs) like ChatGPT, Claude, and Gemini, Wood worries about the implications of turning the emotional work of connection over to a machine. What that means—for how people communicate, argue, date, and make sense of one another—is only beginning to come into focus.

When AI becomes your social copilot

It often starts as a second opinion. A quick paste of a text message into an AI chatbot. A question typed casually: “What do you think they meant by this?”

“People will use it to break down a blow-by-blow account of an argument they had with someone,” Wood says, or to decode ambiguous messages. “Maybe they’re just starting to date, and they put it in there and say, ‘My boyfriend just texted me this. What does it really mean?’” They might also ask: Does the LLM think the person they’re corresponding with is a narcissist? Does he seem checked out? Does she have a pattern of guilt-tripping or shifting blame? 

Read More: Is Giving ChatGPT Health Your Medical Records a Good Idea?

Some users are turning to AI as a social rehearsal space, says Dr. Nina Vasan, a clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at Stanford University and the founder and director of Brainstorm: The Stanford Lab for Mental Health Innovation. People gravitate to these tools because they’re “trying to get the words right before they risk the relationship,” she says. That might mean asking their LLM of choice to draft texts to friends, edit emails to their boss, help them figure out what questions to ask on a first date, or navigate tricky group-chat dynamics.

Vasan has also seen people use AI tools to craft dating-app profiles, respond to passive-aggressive family members, and set boundaries they’ve never before been able to articulate. “Some use it to rehearse difficult conversations before having them,” she says. “Others process social interactions afterward, essentially asking AI, ‘Did I handle that OK?’” ChatGPT and other LLMs, she says, have become a third party in many of our most intimate conversations.

Meet the new relationship referee

Consulting AI isn’t always a welcome development. Some young people, in particular, now use LLMs to generate “receipts,” deploying AI-backed answers as proof that they’re right.

“They use AI to try to create these airtight arguments where they can analyze a friend’s statements or a boyfriend’s statements, or they especially like to use it with their parents,” says Jimmie Manning, a professor of communication studies at the University of Nevada, where he’s also the director of the Relational Communication Research Laboratory. (None of his students have presented him with an AI-generated receipt yet, but it’s probably only a matter of time, he muses.) A teen might copy and paste a text from her mom into ChatGPT, for example, and ask if her parents are being unreasonably strict—and then present them with the evidence that yes, in fact, they are.

“They’re trying to get affirmation from AI, and you can guess how AI responds to them, because it’s here for you,” Manning says.

Using LLMs in this way turns relationships into adversarial negotiations, he adds. When people turn to AI for validation, they’re usually not considering their friend or romantic partner or parent’s perspective. Plus, shoving “receipts” in someone’s face can feel like an ambush. Those on the receiving end typically don’t respond well. “People are still wary of the algorithm entering their intimate lives,” Manning says. “There’s this authenticity question that we’re going to face as a culture.” When he asks his students how their friends or partners responded, they usually say: “Oh, he came up with excuses,” or “She just rolled her eyes.”

“It’s not really helping,” he says. “It’s just going to escalate the situation without any kind of resolution.”

What’s at stake

Outsourcing social tasks to AI is “deeply understandable,” Vasan says, “and deeply consequential.” It can support healthier communication, but it can also short-circuit emotional growth. On the more helpful side of things, she’s seen people with social anxiety finally ask someone on a date because Gemini helped them draft the message. Other times, people use it in the middle of an argument—not to prove they’re right, but to consider how the other person might be feeling, and to figure out how to say something in a way that will actually land.

“Instead of escalating into a fight or shutting down entirely, they’re using AI to step back and ask: ‘What’s really going on here? What does my partner need to hear? How can I express this without being hurtful?’” she says. In those cases, “It’s helping people break out of destructive communication patterns and build healthier dynamics with the people they love most.”

Yet that doesn’t account for the many potentially harmful ways people are using LLMs. “I see people who’ve become so dependent on AI-generated responses that they describe feeling like strangers in their own relationships,” Vasan says. “AI in our social lives is an amplifier: It can deepen connection, or it can hollow it out.” The same tool that helps someone communicate more thoughtfully, she says, can also help them avoid being emotionally present.

Plus, when you regularly rely on a chatbot as an arbiter or conversational crutch, it’s possible you’ll erode important skills like patience, listening, and compromise. People who use AI intensely or in a prolonged manner may find that the tool skews their social expectations, because they begin expecting immediate replies and 24/7 availability. “You have something that’s always going to answer you,” Wood says. “The chatbot is never going to cancel on you for going out to dinner. It’s never going to really push back on you, so that friction is gone.” Of course, friction is inevitable in even the healthiest relationships, so when people become used to the alternative, they can lose patience over the slightest inconvenience.

Then there’s the back-and-forth engagement that makes relationships work. If you grab lunch with a friend, you’ll probably take turns sharing stories and talking about your own lives. “However, the chatbot is never going to be, like, ‘Hey, hang on, Rachel, can I talk about me for a while?’” Wood says. “You don’t have to practice listening skills—that reciprocity is missing.” That imbalance can subtly recalibrate what people expect from real conversations.

Plus, every relationship requires compromise. When you spend too much time with a bot, that skill begins to atrophy, Wood says, because the interaction is entirely on the user’s terms. “The chatbot is never going to ask you to compromise, because it’s never going to say no to you,” she adds. “And life is full of no’s.”

The illusion of a second opinion

Researchers don’t yet have hard data that provides a sense of how outsourcing social tasks to AI affects relationship quality or overall well-being. “We as a field don’t have the science for it, but that doesn’t mean there’s nothing going on. It just means we haven’t measured it yet,” says Dr. Karthik V. Sarma, a health AI scientist and physician at the University of California, San Francisco, where he founded the AI in Mental Health Research Group. “In the absence of that, the old advice remains good for almost any use of almost anything: moderation and patterns are key.”

Greater AI literacy is essential, too, Sarma says. Many people use LLMs without understanding exactly how and why they respond in certain ways. Say, for example, you’re planning to propose to your partner, but you want to check-in with people close to you first to confirm it’s the right move. Your best friend’s opinion will be valuable, Sarma says. But if you ask the bot? Don’t put too much weight on its words. “The chatbot doesn’t have its own positionality at all,” Sarma says. “Because of the way technology works, it’s actually much more likely to become more of a reflection of your own positionality. Once you’ve molded it enough, of course it’s going to agree with you, because it’s kind of like another version of you. It’s more of a mirror.”

Looking ahead

When Pat Pataranutaporn thinks about the effects of long-term AI usage, his main question is this: Is it limiting our ability to express ourselves? Or does it help people express themselves better? As founding director of the cyborg psychology research group and co-director of MIT Media Lab’s Advancing Humans with AI research program, Pataranutaporn is interested in ways that people can use AI to promote human flourishing, pro-social interaction, and human-to-human interaction.

The goal is to use this technology to “help people be better, gain more agency, and feel that they’re in control of their lives,” he says, “rather than having technology constrain them like social media or previous technologies.”

Read More: Why You Should Text 1 Friend This Week

In part, that means using AI to gain the skills or confidence to talk to people face-to-face, rather than allowing the tool to replace human relationships. You can also use LLMs to help finesse your ideas and take them to the next level, as opposed to substitutes for original thought. “The idea or intent needs to be very clear and strong at the beginning,” Pataranutaporn says. “And then maybe AI could help augment or enhance it.” Before asking ChatGPT to compose a Valentine’s Day love letter, he suggests asking yourself: What is your unique perspective that AI can help bring to fruition?

Of course, individual users are at the mercy of a bigger force: the companies that develop these tools. Exactly how people use AI tools, and whether they bolster or weaken relationships, hinges on tech companies making their platforms healthier, Vasan says. That means intentionally designing tools to strengthen human capacity, rather than quietly replacing it.

“We shouldn’t design AI to perform relationships for us—we should design it to strengthen our ability to have them,” she says. “The key question isn’t whether AI is involved. It’s whether it’s helping you show up more human or letting you hide. We’re running a massive uncontrolled experiment on human intimacy, and my concern isn’t that AI will make our messages better. It’s that we’ll forget what our own voice sounds like.”

All over TikTok and other social-media platforms, influencers are hopping on vibration plates. One sits on hers daily to “drain my thyroid.” Another says her “vibe plate” means she no longer needs to work out. 

It’s a fitness fad that’s easy to roll your eyes at. Whole-body vibration plates don’t look all that different from the 1960s’ “exercise” belts that promised to shake off fat. But pro athletes and even astronauts use these machines, and scientists have been looking into them seriously for decades. So could the benefits be legitimate? 

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“What we’re seeing on TikTok is a loose interpretation of the data,” says exercise scientist Rachele Pojednic, director of education at Stanford Lifestyle Medicine. She says that while studies show that hopping on a whole-body vibration plate can move the needle in a few different areas of health and fitness, it’s a pretty tiny change.

“Research does support a modest level of benefits in some pretty specific contexts,” says Brent Feland, an exercise science professor at Brigham Young University who has studied the effects of vibration on things like stretching, sprinting, and blood flow. But, he adds, “whole-body vibration is not some magic little tool.” 

How vibration plates work

There are two main types of whole-body vibration platforms: linear plates that move up and down in one piece like a tiny elevator, and oscillating plates that tilt side to side like a seesaw (which can get more intense the farther you step out to the sides). Both move in a pretty small range of motion—up to about 14 millimeters, max—but they can do it anywhere from 5 to 50 times per second.

These quick movements force your muscles to rapidly contract and release, says exercise physiologist Rachelle Acitelli Reed. Just like during traditional exercise, those muscle contractions set off physiological responses, like increased blood flow, a higher body temperature, and the release of proteins called myokines that help bring glucose into the muscles.   

Read More: Is Eating Too Fast Hurting Your Health?

Additionally, because the plate keeps pushing you upwards over and over again so quickly, Feland says it creates a stronger gravitational load, meaning there’s an extra pull on your bones and muscles.

Proven benefits vs. Hype

So what does science say about the potential of vibration plates? 

There’s a good amount of data showing that they can help improve balance, likely because they activate the neuromuscular system. “The catch is the population where the most beneficial effects have been found for are older, deconditioned individuals, or those with physical debilitations or neurological limitations,” Feland says. If someone has a condition that prevents them from doing traditional exercise, standing on a plate can trigger those muscle contractions without them having to actively move their large muscles or joints, explains Darryl Cochrane, an exercise and health science professor at Massey University in New Zealand who’s published a number of studies on whether vibration can enhance athletic performance. This is why you’ll often see vibration plates used in rehabilitation settings. 

There’s also some data behind the possibility for whole-body vibration to improve bone mineral density, particularly in post-menopausal women and geriatric populations. “The thought is that those little contractions and relaxations are in some way loading the bone,” Reed says. Feland adds that the additional gravitational load gives an extra stimulus for the bone to build more tissue in people who don’t get that through weight-bearing exercise or resistance training. 

Some research shows that whole-body vibration can also help a little with certain aspects of athletic performance, like muscular strength and power and range of motion. Cochrane’s research has found it can warm up the muscles faster than cycling or jogging, without using up as much energy. “You go do five 30- or 60-second bouts on a whole-body vibration platform, and you’ll actually get a semi-decent warm-up from it,” Feland says. 

Read More: What to Do If Your Friends Keep Leaving You Out

Plus, it just feels good. “That’s the magic of being bombarded with vibration,” Feland says. “Every joint segment and every tissue in you is moving and oscillating at this frequency. You’re firing off a ton of neurosensory receptors, and that’s interfering with some of your other sensory signaling that’s normally going on.” If your knee is bothering you, for instance, the vibration might distract your brain enough for the pain to temporarily retreat. (That said, a good dynamic warmup can have the same outcome, he adds.)

Unfortunately, influencers’ claims around “wobbling your weight away” by simply standing on a vibration plate aren’t really backed up by evidence, experts say. Compared to standing still, “you get just a little more calorie burn because your muscles have to work a bit harder against that external force,” Pojednic says. But research shows you’d burn more simply by going on a brisk walk. 

Another claim that experts find to be misleading is that vibration can spur lymphatic drainage. “It is moving the fluid around. However, so does going for a walk,” Reed says. Feland adds that even though whole-body vibration companies themselves often tout the lymphatic benefits, “there is not one study that has ever measured lymphatic drainage and lymphatic improvement” with these devices.

Who might benefit most from vibration plates 

Based on the proven benefits, experts mainly recommend vibration plates for two distinct populations on opposite ends of the spectrum: People who aren’t strong enough to do a traditional workout, and serious athletes looking to eke out a little extra performance enhancement. 

“The maximum benefit is for the compromised population, the ones that are having trouble with balance, mobility issues—it could be an entrée in terms of starting a fitness program,” Cochrane says. He adds that for athletes, the plates can offer a new way to challenge the body to get past a plateau or just keep workouts from getting monotonous. 

Read More: The 1-Minute Trick to Calming Down Your Nervous System

That said, as long as you’re using them correctly, vibration plates are unlikely to cause harm, so there’s no reason for the average adult not to use one if they want. “If this is really jazzing up your routine enough for you to be motivated, cool, I love that for you,” Reed says. Just treat it as an additional tool rather than a replacement for exercise, she and Cochrane both add.  

How to use a vibration plate

Many vibration plates come with all kinds of settings: dialing up amplitude increases intensity, for example, and a higher frequency ups the number of vibrations per second. But there is not yet enough research to know the ideal settings or even duration of use. The best approach might differ from person to person. “We do think that people have different frequency responses,” Feland says. “We just haven’t figured out how to tap into that yet.”

Experts recommend starting small until you get used to vibration: Cochrane suggests beginning with the frequency set to 10 to 15 hertz, and doing five sets of 30-second intervals while standing in a shallow squat. Eventually, you can bump up the frequency and start to do strength training on the platform (like squats, lunges, planks, or bridges). Just be sure to work up to trickier moves gradually so the vibrations don’t knock you off balance, Pojednic adds. 

And always use proper form. “The right way to stand on these is bending at the knees and bending over at the hips, because you want to minimize vibration to the head,” Feland says. There have been case studies of negative effects to tissues in the head (like a torn retina) when people stood on these with straight legs. 

Most of all, remember that whole-body vibration is not a get-fit-quick scheme. As Cochrane says: “You still need the motivation to [use] it, just as if you’re jumping on an exercise cycle or going out for a brisk walk or anything. You still have to find time to do this.” But it could give you just a little boost—and make getting fit a bit more fun.  

People eat quickly for all kinds of reasons. Some have developed the habit because of modern-day time constraints. Others grew up in big families where you needed to eat quickly if you wanted seconds. Many people are just so distracted by their screens and scrolling they nosh at a faster pace.

But eating quickly isn’t always a harmless habit; it can potentially lead to digestive issues, blood sugar spikes, and overeating.

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Here’s why eating too fast can harm your health—and how to slow down.

What happens when you speed-eat

“Eating too quickly can have negative effects on our GI system,” says Dr. Justin Field, a gastroenterologist and assistant professor of medicine at the University of California, San Francisco. When someone eats too quickly, he says, they tend to not chew their food as much, leading to larger food particles entering the stomach. People also tend to swallow more air when they eat quickly. “The combination of those two can lead to bloating, feeling discomfort after a meal, more acid reflux symptoms, and then overeating potentially.”

A meta-analysis published in the International Journal of Obesity in 2015 found a link between eating quickly and obesity, and a 2021 study published in Frontiers in Nutrition tied eating fast to a greater risk of obesity, high blood pressure, elevated triglycerides, and metabolic syndrome, which can increase someone’s risk of developing heart disease and Type 2 diabetes. One 2024 study published in Nature found that frequently eating fast was associated with an increased risk of nonalcoholic fatty liver disease.

Why it’s good to slow down

Fast eating doesn’t directly cause weight gain, but it does increase the likelihood someone will overeat and experience blood sugar spikes after meals, which can contribute to weight gain over time, says Dr. Jaime Almandoz, a professor of medicine and medical director of the Weight Wellness Program at UT Southwestern Medical Center in Dallas. 

Read More: What to Do If Your Friends Keep Leaving You Out

When people eat quickly, they often don’t allow enough time for their brain to register that their stomach is full. “Slower eating allows the gut-brain signals to register fullness,” Almandoz says. “It reduces the glucose spikes we see with meals, and it aligns our food intake with physiologic hunger, rather than speed, efficiency, or stress. Over time, this can help support healthier weight regulation and better metabolic health.”

How can you slow down? Here are five expert-backed tips. 

Select foods that take more time to chew 

“Digestion really starts in the mouth,” Field says. “The easiest way to slow down eating is to choose foods that require more chewing.”

Pick foods that take more time to break down, like legumes, nuts, seeds, fruits, and vegetables. When it comes to protein, opt for steak over ground beef or grilled chicken breast over deli meat. “The foods that are harder to eat are also the foods that tend to be better for us and more nutritious,” Field says.

Avoid ultra-processed foods and fast food 

Ultra-processed foods are engineered to taste good, feel good in your mouth, and be eaten quickly, Field says. They’re also more calorie dense, Almandoz adds, which means you can “consume calories more quickly without putting in as much work.”

Small changes can make a big difference. Opt for pistachios instead of potato chips or rice and beans instead of tortilla chips.  

Be more mindful during meals

Engaging in mindfulness at the table can help you not only slow down, but also enjoy your food more. Almandoz recommends pausing halfway through a meal and putting utensils down between bites. “Slowing down can really help restore the timing between eating and the signals that regulate fullness,” he says. 

Read More: The 1-Minute Trick to Calming Down Your Nervous System

Almandoz also recommends minimizing screen time and distractions during meals. One 2021 study published in Public Health Nutrition found that more than half of adults ate while watching TV at least once in the previous week. Turning off the TV and setting your phone down can help you consume your food more intentionally. 

Eat for your stomach, not your mouth 

When you’re eating, the primary sensations you feel in your mouth are related to pleasure and enjoyment, says Dr. Wajahat Mehal, a professor in digestive diseases at the Yale School of Medicine and director of the Yale Metabolic Health and Weight Loss Program. If it tastes good, you’ll want more—even when your stomach is telling you you’re full.  

“The sensations in our stomach are obviously not as bright as the sensations from our mouth, but they’re there if we pay attention to them,” he says. “We need to pay attention to what our stomach is feeling as much as we pay attention to what our mouth is feeling.”

Enjoy the company of others 

A survey from the 2025 World Happiness Report found that 26% of adults in the U.S. had eaten every single meal alone in the previous day.

“When we eat in company and we’re chatting with somebody and then stopping and listening to them, that tends to slow us down,” Mehal says. “It’s easy to see that if we’re just eating by ourselves, then we’ll eat faster.” 

Read More: How to Train Your Brain to Be More Patient

Some people prefer to eat alone as a way to ground themselves during a particularly busy or social day. You don’t have to eat every meal with others, but consider doing it more frequently; ask a coworker to lunch once a week, or make sure your whole family spends each weeknight at the dinner table together. 

While eating more slowly can be better for health and help you enjoy your meal more, Mehal says it’s important not to add more stress to your plate by trying to achieve the perfect eating speed. Above all, remember that food—eaten at any pace—nourishes the body. “Food is positive. Food is good. Food is nutrition,” he says. “Let’s not make it into a negative thing in our lives.”

Early in Kip Williams’ career as a social psychologist, he was at the park with his dog in Des Moines, Iowa, when a flying disc landed on his blanket. The guys it belonged to were clearly waiting for it, so Williams stood up and tossed it to them. To his surprise, as he prepared to sit down, they threw it back to him. “Suddenly I was part of a three-person toss,” he says. “We didn’t speak to each other or anything; we were just throwing it around. A couple minutes went by, and then, for reasons I still don’t know to this day, they stopped throwing it to me.”

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As Williams settled back onto his blanket to pet his dog, he recalls feeling awkward and hurt. “They weren’t important to me in my life, but it was a powerful feeling,” he says, which inspired him to replicate the experience in his lab. Now a distinguished professor emeritus in the department of psychological sciences at Purdue University, Williams has spent decades studying social exclusion and rejection. His research suggests that when people are ostracized—even by strangers—it negatively affects their sense of belonging, control, and  self-esteem, as well as their overall mood. “It’s a very primitive response—it doesn’t take much for it to impact us in big ways,” he says. “Only two minutes of [exclusion] by strangers is sufficient to have a very large effect.”

Being excluded by the people you consider your closest friends hits even harder. We asked experts what to do when your friends leave you out—and how to address it in a clear but compassionate way.

Don’t jump to conclusions

People tend to make assumptions in friendships: She’s not talking to me because of this; he must be mad at me; they don’t want me around anymore. In reality, there are many possible reasons why you’re feeling left out of your friend group. “Think of all the different kinds of dynamics that can shift a friendship,” says Victoria Smith, a therapist in Los Angeles. Distance can play a role, like when high-school friends scatter across the country. If someone’s political or religious beliefs change, that can matter, too. 

Not to mention: Busy schedules, new romantic partners, caregiving responsibilities, or even mental-health struggles can alter how much energy someone has for group plans. Sometimes what feels like rejection is really a mismatch in timing, priorities, or communication styles, says Gabriella Azzam-Forni, a clinical psychologist whose clients often come to her with friend-group troubles. “The other person or people involved might be going through their own stuff,” she adds. “We tend to personalize it, like, ‘I must have done something,’ vs. ‘Maybe they’re going through something.’”

Consult another friend

You don’t need to bad-mouth your other friends about the friend who “forgot” to invite you to brunch two weekends in a row. But it can be helpful to approach a neutral third-party like this: “I’m feeling a little distance from Amanda. Is that something you’re feeling too?”

Read More: The One Word That Can Destroy a Friendship

“If they say, ‘No, we haven’t seen it,’ you can take a moment to pause and go, ‘Maybe this was a one-off. Let me just sit with it for a while longer,’” Smith says. If they say yes, on the other hand, it can be reassuring to know you’re not alone in noticing the change, which may make the situation feel less personal and confusing. That’s helpful information, as long as you’re seeking perspective over gossip, she adds.

Bring it up without blame

If feeling left out turns into a pattern—as opposed to a one-off incident—it makes sense to approach your friends about it. Azzam-Forni likes these low-pressure conversation starters, which open the door to honesty without putting the other person on the defensive:

• “I’ve been feeling a little left out lately and wanted to check in rather than make assumptions.”
• “This feels a bit vulnerable to say, but I feel like something’s been off between us—can we talk about it?”
• “I really value our friendship and love spending time together, and I’ve noticed things feel different lately. Do you feel that too?”
• “I’d love to be included when plans are coming together.”
• “I’ve noticed I’m sometimes out of the loop in the group chat, and I wanted to flag it—being included means a lot to me.”

These are all thoughtful ways of naming the issue without turning it into a confrontation, she adds. They make it clear you value the relationship, while leaving space for the other person to share their perspective.

Pay attention to how your friends respond

People in every type of relationship will inevitably have disagreements. The way you work through the discomfort is telling, Azzam-Forni says. For example, if you get vulnerable with your friend about feeling left out, it’s possible she could attack you or blow you off. She might respond like this: “I don’t get why you’re making such a big deal about this,” refusing to engage in a productive conversation. 

“In a healthy friendship, we’re able to bring these things to our people, and they’re able to respond in a healthy way,” Azzam-Forni says. “We can have these conversations, which will actually make the relationship even stronger over the long run.”

Read More: How to Know if Your Friendship Is Toxic—and What to Do About It

If your friends continue to pull away, even after you’ve told them you feel left out, consider it your answer—though not the one you hoped for. While you can continue to care about them, it’s usually best not to make them your top priority, Smith says.

She suggests setting a boundary. If you feel like you’re the one always having to initiate plans, and your friends never reciprocate, for example, you might decide: “I’m not getting what I’m needing from this friendship, so I’m going to reach out to somebody else and see if they’re free. I’m not going to constantly pursue anyone if I’m not getting my own needs met.”

Give yourself grace

As part of Williams’ research, he’s had people undergo fMRI scans while playing a virtual ball-tossing game in which they were ultimately excluded. The result: “Ostracism activates the same pain regions of the brain that are activated when you put your hand on a flame or in ice-cold water, or you hurt yourself in some physical way,” he says. “We suffer psychologically and physically.”

Not everyone suffers to the same extent from this pain: factors like personality and culture determine how you cope, Williams adds. Still, people tend to initially react in a few different ways. Some try to make themselves more likeable, going along with whatever their group wants or says in an effort to fit back in, and apologizing often—even if they’re not sure why. Others become angry and retaliate against their former friends. Or they might isolate themselves in hopes of preventing any future rejection or exclusion.

Read More: 8 Things to Say During a Fight With Your Partner

No matter how you feel, be kind to yourself. Exclusion can shake your sense of worth and belonging, and it’s OK if it takes time to regain your footing. “I’d like to say there’s an easy fix,” Williams says, but people are complicated, and repairing or letting go of friendships takes time and patience. His best advice: Lean into your healthy, fulfilling, mutually supportive friendships.

“Nurture the relationships with people who are still paying attention to you and acknowledging you and respecting you and connected to you,” Williams says, “rather than going after, ‘What can I do to get this person to talk to me?’”

Wondering what to say in a tricky social situation? Email timetotalk@time.com

Your brain is very good at time travel. At any given moment, it might be replaying what already happened or rehearsing what could go wrong next. How do you snap back fast to reality? Try “active noticing,” an easy way to reclaim your thoughts from wherever they’ve wandered off to.

“It’s just coming back to the present moment, and being fully there,” says Arati Patel, a mindfulness-based psychotherapist in Ventura, Calif. “When you’re present, you can’t really be anxious—you can’t be thinking about the future or preoccupied with things that happened in the past, or super down and in a funk. You can actually experience the joy of being in that moment.”

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The best news: Active noticing takes just a minute of your day.

Why you should do it

Active noticing helps your nervous system realize it doesn’t have to be on high alert. When you’re in a calm place and your attention is grounded in the present moment, your brain receives cues of safety and stability. “It can really regulate the nervous system, because when you bring all your senses in, you’re like, ‘Oh, I actually get to experience being here instead of being projected in the future, or what’s going to happen tomorrow or what’s going to happen 10 years from now,’” Patel says.

Read More: Why You Should Text 1 Friend This Week

Research suggests that regular mindfulness practices like active noticing can reduce anxiety and overthinking, increase emotional resilience, and improve the ability to respond rather than react. Active noticing also builds awareness of subtle stress signals before they escalate, Patel says. You’ll become a more engaged citizen of the world, rather than a passive observer.

How to do it

People put different spins on active noticing. Patel likes this simple, repeatable practice:

Pause and take one slow breath, extending the exhale.

Notice three things you can see, without labeling them as good or bad.

Notice two physical sensations in your body (such as your feet on the floor or the weight of your body in a chair).

End with a grounding statement: “This is what’s here right now.” Or: “This is what I notice right now.”

The exercise takes under a minute and works best when practiced often, she says. To make it a habit, Patel suggests pairing it with your existing routines, like when you’re waiting for your coffee to brew, washing your hands, or transitioning between tasks.

What’s particularly nice, she adds, is that you can do it anywhere, any time you start to feel stressed—and no one will even know. “You can do it in a meeting or in the car,” she says. “You can actually be present driving and getting to where you need to go, instead of just being on autopilot.”

For several years, I’ve lived in a part of Maryland where it’s common for other cars to mosey into my lane and then drive well under the speed limit. This agitates me and my lead foot. When stuck behind them, my heart rate speeds up as if compensating for the slow wheels. Sometimes I even shout and honk. Of course, the driver ahead never realizes the error of their ways, accelerates, or reacts at all. Torturing myself this way is pointless, yet my impatience endures.

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Impatience is a deeply human problem with a long documented history—it’s a theme in ancient Buddhist texts and Roman meditations—but it’s probably even more of a struggle in our fast-paced, on-demand culture. Today, situations that involve waiting are viewed as glitches rather than inevitable parts of life, says Sarah Schnitker, a psychologist at Baylor University. We’ve come to believe technology can and should make delays obsolete—that we’re entitled to instant gratification.

Such expectations frequently collide with reality, causing frustration such as conflicts on the road and career angst. In the long term, impatience can take a toll on our bodies, minds, and overall health. But there are specific ways to curb it—and, researchers who study patience say you’ll be happier for doing so.

Types of patience

Patience is a virtue, but it’s also a practical strategy—both a noun and a verb. Schnitker researches three kinds of it. One is “micro-patience,” or dealing with daily hassles like Wi-Fi outages and basement leaks. Another is “life-hardships patience”: major obstacles like chronic health conditions that interfere with daily routines, making them slow and tedious. 

A third type is “interpersonal patience,” or being able to endure holdups caused by other people, like slow-mo drivers, flaky coworkers, or young kids who require 15 minutes to put on their shoes before leaving the house.

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There’s a lot of overlap among these types, says Kate Sweeny, professor of psychology at the University of California, Riverside. “People tell me they’re fine in all situations except traffic, and I say, ‘Well, you’re not actually fine in those other situations,’” she says.

This means that practicing patience in one domain could translate to increased patience in another. For example, if I cultivate patience behind the wheel, it might also enhance this quality in areas of life that are more important than getting where I’m going three minutes earlier.

The benefits of practicing patience

Schnitker has found that patience can lead to more persistence and progress toward key long-term goals. In one of her studies, people rated their own levels of patience over several weeks while working toward such goals. Those who rated themselves highly on patience tried harder—and found greater meaning in doing so—over the following two weeks.

One reason for this effect is that when people maintain calm in the face of regular obstacles, they’re less likely to burn out before achieving their aspirations—and burnout is a bigger dream-killer than other negative responses like anger. “Our data show that what really undermines people the most in the long term is disengagement and passivity,” Schnitker says.

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Evidence also shows that people capable of waiting for rewards tend to have better health outcomes. They’re considerably more likely to make it to age 65 and have fewer medical conditions and hospitalizations than people who are more impatient. Patience is also linked to healthier weight and metabolism, and reduced pain among people with heart disease.

Relatedly, Sweeny says, the ability to delay gratification helps people stick to an exercise routine, keep a balanced diet, and act conscientiously when recovering from illness or injury. 

Sweeny also notes that any chronic negative emotion, including impatience, worsens mental health. Researchers have found that impatience decreases friendliness and willingness to help others, explains Cassie Mogilner Holmes, a professor of behavioral decision-making at UCLA. “Patience is tightly linked to positive emotions,” Holmes says. Some research has even linked it to a lower suicide risk. 

Here’s how to improve your patience.

Set realistic expectations

Our modern environment is working against us when it comes to cultivating patience. Though tech can help us outsource some tasks, many people use it as a lever to do more, not less. “We expect to accomplish more at any given point in time,” Holmes says.

The ironic result is that people start feeling like they never have enough time. This “pervading sense of time poverty” can cause impatience, Holmes says.

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Setting realistic expectations might involve taking breaks from social media because of how some users curate their accounts to emphasize or exaggerate professional and personal accomplishments. Constant exposure to these idealized milestones can create a sense of falling behind, stoking impatience by making our own efforts seem gradual by comparison. “We’re flooded with things other people are doing,” Holmes says. “Social media has absolutely exacerbated the negative effects of social comparison.”

Avoiding these highlight reels may boost your patience with your own progress and achievements.

Change your mindset

Having to wait for something can prompt a flurry of negative thoughts. An effective strategy for becoming more patient is to think more constructively.

One approach is to concentrate your thoughts on empathy. When I’m behind a slow driver, for example, I can consider plausible explanations for the other person’s sluggish pace, Schnitker suggests. Perhaps the driver is a senior with poor eyesight who’s trying to make it safely to the  doctor’s office.

Or consider how it can feel to have to wait under uncertain circumstances, such as after a job interview or medical test. It’s natural to wish the result would come sooner to ease the anxiety—especially toward the end of the waiting period, Sweeny has found—which can cause plenty of impatience. 

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But people are better at tolerating the wait if they think in ways that enhance their sense of control, Sweeny says. You could strategize about how you’d cope with a bad outcome, or how you might positively affect that outcome—by obtaining health insurance while awaiting medical test results, for example. Focusing on agency over urgency will improve well-being, Sweeny notes, and “you’ll be more ready whatever the outcome.” 

When Sweeny asked women at a biopsy appointment if any good could come from a future breast cancer diagnosis, 76% replied that it could. Prompted by Sweeny’s questions, the women reflected on how such a diagnosis could ultimately drive greater appreciation for life. This alleviated some fear and impatience as they waited.

Cultivating a grounded but optimistic outlook—guardedly confident, not Pollyanna— supports calm patience. Optimism declines as we get closer to receiving potentially bad news, but regularly “practicing optimism makes it easier” in this situation, Sweeny says.

Savor what feels pleasant

Patience may improve after mindfulness sessions. Meditation is especially effective, but a mindful walk or meal can help, too. “You learn to enjoy the moment instead of regretting what you can’t do while trapped in a traffic jam,” Sweeny says.

Amy Errmann, a senior lecturer at Auckland University of Technology in New Zealand, has found mindfulness reduces impulsivity and slows down our perception of time. “We think of time more expansively in the present and future,” Errmann says. In this way, mindfulness counters the modern sense of time poverty, she explains. Meditation can also decrease rumination, which fuels impatience.

You could also focus on savoring anything pleasant, like people you’re grateful for or just a clear blue sky. “Savoring slows down this time pressure building up in our daily lives,” Errmann explains.

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“Savoring is really important,” Holmes says. Your child’s efforts to put on their shoes may seem eternal, but try to view these formative moments as precious and fleeting; one day, they’ll leave the house without you. Instead of fixating on how long it takes to improve your golf game, savor the fact that you’re able to play the sport at all. As Holmes puts it: “How many more times do you have to do this thing you love?” She’s found people who think this way enjoy greater meaning in their lives and feel like they have more time.

When mindfulness and savoring become habitual responses to minor frustrations, you’re actively cultivating patience that carries over to more consequential challenges. “A lot of patience is learning how to regulate emotions,” Sweeny says. “If you practice in small ways, you can start applying these new strategies and skills to bigger things.”

Distract yourself with flow

Distraction is another strategy to counter impatience. Getting into a flow state—deep, effortless focus—is a productive way to do it.

Sweeny’s parents live in Florida, and she’s felt impatient while trying to contact them to ensure they’re safe during hurricanes. “They keep having to evacuate,” she says, “and there’s nothing I can do about it.” So, to pass the time without being distracted as much by anxiety, she absorbs herself in data analysis for her research projects. “The flow state really pulls me in, so I’m not really capable of worrying,” Sweeny says. Her research bears this out: flow helps boost well-being during uncertain waiting periods.

Learn when to pay attention to impatience

Impatience isn’t always bad. It may alert us to problems that must be actively solved, when passive waiting won’t cut it. Schnitker has found that having a deep sense of purpose—something beyond yourself—helps motivate patience, but it’s equally important to know when to disengage with a purpose leading nowhere and reject the status quo.

With experience comes the wisdom to notice impatience and decide if now is the time to quit a goal or fight an injustice, Schnitker says. “If you have both patience and courage in your arsenal, you can pick which one you want to deploy in the moment.”