AI might not have taken your job yet—but it’s already writing your breakup text.

What began as a productivity tool has quietly become a social one, and people increasingly consult it for their most personal moments: drafting apologies, translating passive-aggressive texts, and, yes, deciding how to end relationships.

“I wholeheartedly believe that AI is shifting the relational bedrock of society,” says Rachel Wood, a cyberpsychology expert and founder of the AI Mental Health Collective. “People really are using it to run their social life: Instead of the conversations we used to have—with neighbors or at clubs or in our hobbies or our faith communities—those conversations are being rerouted into chatbots.”

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As an entire generation grows up outsourcing social decisions to large language models (LLMs) like ChatGPT, Claude, and Gemini, Wood worries about the implications of turning the emotional work of connection over to a machine. What that means—for how people communicate, argue, date, and make sense of one another—is only beginning to come into focus.

When AI becomes your social copilot

It often starts as a second opinion. A quick paste of a text message into an AI chatbot. A question typed casually: “What do you think they meant by this?”

“People will use it to break down a blow-by-blow account of an argument they had with someone,” Wood says, or to decode ambiguous messages. “Maybe they’re just starting to date, and they put it in there and say, ‘My boyfriend just texted me this. What does it really mean?’” They might also ask: Does the LLM think the person they’re corresponding with is a narcissist? Does he seem checked out? Does she have a pattern of guilt-tripping or shifting blame? 

Read More: Is Giving ChatGPT Health Your Medical Records a Good Idea?

Some users are turning to AI as a social rehearsal space, says Dr. Nina Vasan, a clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at Stanford University and the founder and director of Brainstorm: The Stanford Lab for Mental Health Innovation. People gravitate to these tools because they’re “trying to get the words right before they risk the relationship,” she says. That might mean asking their LLM of choice to draft texts to friends, edit emails to their boss, help them figure out what questions to ask on a first date, or navigate tricky group-chat dynamics.

Vasan has also seen people use AI tools to craft dating-app profiles, respond to passive-aggressive family members, and set boundaries they’ve never before been able to articulate. “Some use it to rehearse difficult conversations before having them,” she says. “Others process social interactions afterward, essentially asking AI, ‘Did I handle that OK?’” ChatGPT and other LLMs, she says, have become a third party in many of our most intimate conversations.

Meet the new relationship referee

Consulting AI isn’t always a welcome development. Some young people, in particular, now use LLMs to generate “receipts,” deploying AI-backed answers as proof that they’re right.

“They use AI to try to create these airtight arguments where they can analyze a friend’s statements or a boyfriend’s statements, or they especially like to use it with their parents,” says Jimmie Manning, a professor of communication studies at the University of Nevada, where he’s also the director of the Relational Communication Research Laboratory. (None of his students have presented him with an AI-generated receipt yet, but it’s probably only a matter of time, he muses.) A teen might copy and paste a text from her mom into ChatGPT, for example, and ask if her parents are being unreasonably strict—and then present them with the evidence that yes, in fact, they are.

“They’re trying to get affirmation from AI, and you can guess how AI responds to them, because it’s here for you,” Manning says.

Using LLMs in this way turns relationships into adversarial negotiations, he adds. When people turn to AI for validation, they’re usually not considering their friend or romantic partner or parent’s perspective. Plus, shoving “receipts” in someone’s face can feel like an ambush. Those on the receiving end typically don’t respond well. “People are still wary of the algorithm entering their intimate lives,” Manning says. “There’s this authenticity question that we’re going to face as a culture.” When he asks his students how their friends or partners responded, they usually say: “Oh, he came up with excuses,” or “She just rolled her eyes.”

“It’s not really helping,” he says. “It’s just going to escalate the situation without any kind of resolution.”

What’s at stake

Outsourcing social tasks to AI is “deeply understandable,” Vasan says, “and deeply consequential.” It can support healthier communication, but it can also short-circuit emotional growth. On the more helpful side of things, she’s seen people with social anxiety finally ask someone on a date because Gemini helped them draft the message. Other times, people use it in the middle of an argument—not to prove they’re right, but to consider how the other person might be feeling, and to figure out how to say something in a way that will actually land.

“Instead of escalating into a fight or shutting down entirely, they’re using AI to step back and ask: ‘What’s really going on here? What does my partner need to hear? How can I express this without being hurtful?’” she says. In those cases, “It’s helping people break out of destructive communication patterns and build healthier dynamics with the people they love most.”

Yet that doesn’t account for the many potentially harmful ways people are using LLMs. “I see people who’ve become so dependent on AI-generated responses that they describe feeling like strangers in their own relationships,” Vasan says. “AI in our social lives is an amplifier: It can deepen connection, or it can hollow it out.” The same tool that helps someone communicate more thoughtfully, she says, can also help them avoid being emotionally present.

Plus, when you regularly rely on a chatbot as an arbiter or conversational crutch, it’s possible you’ll erode important skills like patience, listening, and compromise. People who use AI intensely or in a prolonged manner may find that the tool skews their social expectations, because they begin expecting immediate replies and 24/7 availability. “You have something that’s always going to answer you,” Wood says. “The chatbot is never going to cancel on you for going out to dinner. It’s never going to really push back on you, so that friction is gone.” Of course, friction is inevitable in even the healthiest relationships, so when people become used to the alternative, they can lose patience over the slightest inconvenience.

Then there’s the back-and-forth engagement that makes relationships work. If you grab lunch with a friend, you’ll probably take turns sharing stories and talking about your own lives. “However, the chatbot is never going to be, like, ‘Hey, hang on, Rachel, can I talk about me for a while?’” Wood says. “You don’t have to practice listening skills—that reciprocity is missing.” That imbalance can subtly recalibrate what people expect from real conversations.

Plus, every relationship requires compromise. When you spend too much time with a bot, that skill begins to atrophy, Wood says, because the interaction is entirely on the user’s terms. “The chatbot is never going to ask you to compromise, because it’s never going to say no to you,” she adds. “And life is full of no’s.”

The illusion of a second opinion

Researchers don’t yet have hard data that provides a sense of how outsourcing social tasks to AI affects relationship quality or overall well-being. “We as a field don’t have the science for it, but that doesn’t mean there’s nothing going on. It just means we haven’t measured it yet,” says Dr. Karthik V. Sarma, a health AI scientist and physician at the University of California, San Francisco, where he founded the AI in Mental Health Research Group. “In the absence of that, the old advice remains good for almost any use of almost anything: moderation and patterns are key.”

Greater AI literacy is essential, too, Sarma says. Many people use LLMs without understanding exactly how and why they respond in certain ways. Say, for example, you’re planning to propose to your partner, but you want to check-in with people close to you first to confirm it’s the right move. Your best friend’s opinion will be valuable, Sarma says. But if you ask the bot? Don’t put too much weight on its words. “The chatbot doesn’t have its own positionality at all,” Sarma says. “Because of the way technology works, it’s actually much more likely to become more of a reflection of your own positionality. Once you’ve molded it enough, of course it’s going to agree with you, because it’s kind of like another version of you. It’s more of a mirror.”

Looking ahead

When Pat Pataranutaporn thinks about the effects of long-term AI usage, his main question is this: Is it limiting our ability to express ourselves? Or does it help people express themselves better? As founding director of the cyborg psychology research group and co-director of MIT Media Lab’s Advancing Humans with AI research program, Pataranutaporn is interested in ways that people can use AI to promote human flourishing, pro-social interaction, and human-to-human interaction.

The goal is to use this technology to “help people be better, gain more agency, and feel that they’re in control of their lives,” he says, “rather than having technology constrain them like social media or previous technologies.”

Read More: Why You Should Text 1 Friend This Week

In part, that means using AI to gain the skills or confidence to talk to people face-to-face, rather than allowing the tool to replace human relationships. You can also use LLMs to help finesse your ideas and take them to the next level, as opposed to substitutes for original thought. “The idea or intent needs to be very clear and strong at the beginning,” Pataranutaporn says. “And then maybe AI could help augment or enhance it.” Before asking ChatGPT to compose a Valentine’s Day love letter, he suggests asking yourself: What is your unique perspective that AI can help bring to fruition?

Of course, individual users are at the mercy of a bigger force: the companies that develop these tools. Exactly how people use AI tools, and whether they bolster or weaken relationships, hinges on tech companies making their platforms healthier, Vasan says. That means intentionally designing tools to strengthen human capacity, rather than quietly replacing it.

“We shouldn’t design AI to perform relationships for us—we should design it to strengthen our ability to have them,” she says. “The key question isn’t whether AI is involved. It’s whether it’s helping you show up more human or letting you hide. We’re running a massive uncontrolled experiment on human intimacy, and my concern isn’t that AI will make our messages better. It’s that we’ll forget what our own voice sounds like.”

Early in Kip Williams’ career as a social psychologist, he was at the park with his dog in Des Moines, Iowa, when a flying disc landed on his blanket. The guys it belonged to were clearly waiting for it, so Williams stood up and tossed it to them. To his surprise, as he prepared to sit down, they threw it back to him. “Suddenly I was part of a three-person toss,” he says. “We didn’t speak to each other or anything; we were just throwing it around. A couple minutes went by, and then, for reasons I still don’t know to this day, they stopped throwing it to me.”

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As Williams settled back onto his blanket to pet his dog, he recalls feeling awkward and hurt. “They weren’t important to me in my life, but it was a powerful feeling,” he says, which inspired him to replicate the experience in his lab. Now a distinguished professor emeritus in the department of psychological sciences at Purdue University, Williams has spent decades studying social exclusion and rejection. His research suggests that when people are ostracized—even by strangers—it negatively affects their sense of belonging, control, and  self-esteem, as well as their overall mood. “It’s a very primitive response—it doesn’t take much for it to impact us in big ways,” he says. “Only two minutes of [exclusion] by strangers is sufficient to have a very large effect.”

Being excluded by the people you consider your closest friends hits even harder. We asked experts what to do when your friends leave you out—and how to address it in a clear but compassionate way.

Don’t jump to conclusions

People tend to make assumptions in friendships: She’s not talking to me because of this; he must be mad at me; they don’t want me around anymore. In reality, there are many possible reasons why you’re feeling left out of your friend group. “Think of all the different kinds of dynamics that can shift a friendship,” says Victoria Smith, a therapist in Los Angeles. Distance can play a role, like when high-school friends scatter across the country. If someone’s political or religious beliefs change, that can matter, too. 

Not to mention: Busy schedules, new romantic partners, caregiving responsibilities, or even mental-health struggles can alter how much energy someone has for group plans. Sometimes what feels like rejection is really a mismatch in timing, priorities, or communication styles, says Gabriella Azzam-Forni, a clinical psychologist whose clients often come to her with friend-group troubles. “The other person or people involved might be going through their own stuff,” she adds. “We tend to personalize it, like, ‘I must have done something,’ vs. ‘Maybe they’re going through something.’”

Consult another friend

You don’t need to bad-mouth your other friends about the friend who “forgot” to invite you to brunch two weekends in a row. But it can be helpful to approach a neutral third-party like this: “I’m feeling a little distance from Amanda. Is that something you’re feeling too?”

Read More: The One Word That Can Destroy a Friendship

“If they say, ‘No, we haven’t seen it,’ you can take a moment to pause and go, ‘Maybe this was a one-off. Let me just sit with it for a while longer,’” Smith says. If they say yes, on the other hand, it can be reassuring to know you’re not alone in noticing the change, which may make the situation feel less personal and confusing. That’s helpful information, as long as you’re seeking perspective over gossip, she adds.

Bring it up without blame

If feeling left out turns into a pattern—as opposed to a one-off incident—it makes sense to approach your friends about it. Azzam-Forni likes these low-pressure conversation starters, which open the door to honesty without putting the other person on the defensive:

• “I’ve been feeling a little left out lately and wanted to check in rather than make assumptions.”
• “This feels a bit vulnerable to say, but I feel like something’s been off between us—can we talk about it?”
• “I really value our friendship and love spending time together, and I’ve noticed things feel different lately. Do you feel that too?”
• “I’d love to be included when plans are coming together.”
• “I’ve noticed I’m sometimes out of the loop in the group chat, and I wanted to flag it—being included means a lot to me.”

These are all thoughtful ways of naming the issue without turning it into a confrontation, she adds. They make it clear you value the relationship, while leaving space for the other person to share their perspective.

Pay attention to how your friends respond

People in every type of relationship will inevitably have disagreements. The way you work through the discomfort is telling, Azzam-Forni says. For example, if you get vulnerable with your friend about feeling left out, it’s possible she could attack you or blow you off. She might respond like this: “I don’t get why you’re making such a big deal about this,” refusing to engage in a productive conversation. 

“In a healthy friendship, we’re able to bring these things to our people, and they’re able to respond in a healthy way,” Azzam-Forni says. “We can have these conversations, which will actually make the relationship even stronger over the long run.”

Read More: How to Know if Your Friendship Is Toxic—and What to Do About It

If your friends continue to pull away, even after you’ve told them you feel left out, consider it your answer—though not the one you hoped for. While you can continue to care about them, it’s usually best not to make them your top priority, Smith says.

She suggests setting a boundary. If you feel like you’re the one always having to initiate plans, and your friends never reciprocate, for example, you might decide: “I’m not getting what I’m needing from this friendship, so I’m going to reach out to somebody else and see if they’re free. I’m not going to constantly pursue anyone if I’m not getting my own needs met.”

Give yourself grace

As part of Williams’ research, he’s had people undergo fMRI scans while playing a virtual ball-tossing game in which they were ultimately excluded. The result: “Ostracism activates the same pain regions of the brain that are activated when you put your hand on a flame or in ice-cold water, or you hurt yourself in some physical way,” he says. “We suffer psychologically and physically.”

Not everyone suffers to the same extent from this pain: factors like personality and culture determine how you cope, Williams adds. Still, people tend to initially react in a few different ways. Some try to make themselves more likeable, going along with whatever their group wants or says in an effort to fit back in, and apologizing often—even if they’re not sure why. Others become angry and retaliate against their former friends. Or they might isolate themselves in hopes of preventing any future rejection or exclusion.

Read More: 8 Things to Say During a Fight With Your Partner

No matter how you feel, be kind to yourself. Exclusion can shake your sense of worth and belonging, and it’s OK if it takes time to regain your footing. “I’d like to say there’s an easy fix,” Williams says, but people are complicated, and repairing or letting go of friendships takes time and patience. His best advice: Lean into your healthy, fulfilling, mutually supportive friendships.

“Nurture the relationships with people who are still paying attention to you and acknowledging you and respecting you and connected to you,” Williams says, “rather than going after, ‘What can I do to get this person to talk to me?’”

Wondering what to say in a tricky social situation? Email timetotalk@time.com

Your brain is very good at time travel. At any given moment, it might be replaying what already happened or rehearsing what could go wrong next. How do you snap back fast to reality? Try “active noticing,” an easy way to reclaim your thoughts from wherever they’ve wandered off to.

“It’s just coming back to the present moment, and being fully there,” says Arati Patel, a mindfulness-based psychotherapist in Ventura, Calif. “When you’re present, you can’t really be anxious—you can’t be thinking about the future or preoccupied with things that happened in the past, or super down and in a funk. You can actually experience the joy of being in that moment.”

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The best news: Active noticing takes just a minute of your day.

Why you should do it

Active noticing helps your nervous system realize it doesn’t have to be on high alert. When you’re in a calm place and your attention is grounded in the present moment, your brain receives cues of safety and stability. “It can really regulate the nervous system, because when you bring all your senses in, you’re like, ‘Oh, I actually get to experience being here instead of being projected in the future, or what’s going to happen tomorrow or what’s going to happen 10 years from now,’” Patel says.

Read More: Why You Should Text 1 Friend This Week

Research suggests that regular mindfulness practices like active noticing can reduce anxiety and overthinking, increase emotional resilience, and improve the ability to respond rather than react. Active noticing also builds awareness of subtle stress signals before they escalate, Patel says. You’ll become a more engaged citizen of the world, rather than a passive observer.

How to do it

People put different spins on active noticing. Patel likes this simple, repeatable practice:

Pause and take one slow breath, extending the exhale.

Notice three things you can see, without labeling them as good or bad.

Notice two physical sensations in your body (such as your feet on the floor or the weight of your body in a chair).

End with a grounding statement: “This is what’s here right now.” Or: “This is what I notice right now.”

The exercise takes under a minute and works best when practiced often, she says. To make it a habit, Patel suggests pairing it with your existing routines, like when you’re waiting for your coffee to brew, washing your hands, or transitioning between tasks.

What’s particularly nice, she adds, is that you can do it anywhere, any time you start to feel stressed—and no one will even know. “You can do it in a meeting or in the car,” she says. “You can actually be present driving and getting to where you need to go, instead of just being on autopilot.”